Becoming an Enthusiast - All Chapters

[ReservedEnthusiast]

Chapter 09 Part 01
Last Chance

It was the last two weeks of the school year. If Aaron and I were to swim together both in speedos, it would be now or never (well, more like now or eventually; I do have to return for a year to finish my degree, after all). We set up a time midweek at midday to get together for one last swim before we would be swamped with exams and then part ways for the summer. I decided not to tell him that I’d wear my speedo for our last workout.

I couldn’t wait to finally wear my speedos! After all these years (and all these chapters), I would achieve my goal and fulfill my desire to swim in them with friends. This was far beyond thinking that speedos are sexy or that Aaron looks attractive in them; saying that would be far too shallow for the true meaning behind this swim and my desire to swim in them with a friend. Over the years, I had grown to love this skimpy, revealing garment as an extension of myself, a representation of breaking out of my socially awkward, self-conscious shell and not being afraid to show others who I am and what I like. I had developed something I had never felt before: a pride in myself and what I’d accomplished. I was still an introverted, overweight, reserved guy who could not care less about the usual sports but had an unhealthy obsession with cars, British television, and swimming. But, that didn’t matter.

All that mattered was that I had matured as a person and found one truly amazing friend and admirable role model in my buddy Aaron. He had guided me in many trials I faced in my life, both in and out of the pool. He had taken hours out of his own life to train with me and put up with my slightly pathetic lap times and regular bouts with inferiority and frustration. I had grown to have more faith in myself, my capabilities and my potential. And now, as a symbol of the confidence I’d built with Aaron at my side (or, more commonly, many many seconds ahead), I would wear my speedo with a friend who didn’t care how I looked in it and just have a blast together, one last great workout, before we had to part ways for a year.

My almost decade-long fulfillment approaching, I spent the next few days leading up to our swim brimming with excitement and optimism. My gym bag was packed far earlier than it needed to be and sat patiently waiting in my closet ready to go on our little adventure. Focusing on the schoolwork at hand was more difficult than ever. I absolutely couldn’t wait to take Aaron by surprise by producing that stupidly flamboyant, star-spangled speedo from my gym bag instead of my usual jammer! Two best buds working out in speedos on our own miniature swim team, just like I’d always wanted!

The day came.

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Chapter 09 Part 02
Opportunity Missed

Alas, it wasn’t meant to be.

The design students at my school have to regularly submit portfolios for the university to use for the regular reviews by the powers that be. Unfortunately, the deadline was right in the middle of when Aaron and I would be swimming, and the submission took me by surprise because I’d been so busy. So, I was forced to work on my portfolio until the last possible second, missing my chance to work out one last time with my best friend.

When I was done, I was absolutely furious at myself, the school, the professor who organizes the portfolio collection, whoever invented the idea of making a portfolio in the first place, and the universe as a whole. And this wasn’t because I wouldn’t get to admire Aaron’s body or anything; no no no, my anger was much less shallow than that, and by now, seeing his speedo was almost a moot point. Because of the portfolio submission and my lack of personal organization, I couldn’t prove to my best friend what an impact he’d had on my life through our swimming sessions. I couldn’t show the confidence he’d helped me build in myself. I have had very few friends as encouraging, impactful and caring as Aaron.

I should've been a swimmer myself. I should’ve been more on top of the things I had to do. I should’ve worn my speedos earlier. I should’ve…and so forth. I was so furious, I felt like I could melt metal simply by glaring at it.

At this point, I decided, “You know what? Screw it.” Alone and with an attitude of absolute indignation, I stormed to the rec center, skipping the weight training portion and putting on my speedo and some sunscreen as quickly as possible. My momentum carried me to the door which I thrust open with the determination of a boxer entering the ring, ready to claim the pool deck, the nearest lane, and then the world as mine!

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Chapter 09 Part 03
Reaction

Not even a nearby pigeon took notice of me.

Talk about anticlimactic. In my speedo, I was just another guy in the crowd ready to swim some laps. My extreme confidence and determination wavered as I sheepishly proceeded to a lane, put some equipment at the end for later use, and jumped in after adjusting my goggles. I then had one of the most normal workouts you could possibly imagine. Of course it felt special to myself, but I kept any arousal from the situation at bay and focused only on the workout.

As far as the people of the pool deck were concerned, it didn’t require a second thought. I almost wanted a cheer and a congratulation from all the other swimmers, like, “Way to go! You did it! You’re in the right attire, and you look just fine!” But, at the same time, I was happy that everyone completely ignored me as I still felt a little self-conscious even in this moment of personal triumph. At least I could reliably go to the pool in my speedo to swim laps and no one would bat an eye. I even felt confident enough to lay out in the sun for a few minutes afterwards to start ridding myself of the dreadful shorts/jammer tan line.

Then, it hit me. I had done it! I’d gone all the way! I’d worn a speedo all the way from the locker room, out onto the pool deck, and into the pool for my workout.

I still didn’t feel ready to hang out at the beach or anything in it, especially when it’s with friends with whom I don’t swim for exercise. My love of speedos is a very personal, private thing for me which no one outside of this board knows about. Outside this forum, I’m not as bold or exhibitionistic as some of the other users, so it will take a lot of personal brazening before I feel comfortable doing that. I certainly won’t be the one to try and normalize speedos amongst my friends. Maybe, as I get into better shape and rebuild the confidence I’d gained training with Aaron, I would reconsider, but we’ll have to see.

That evening, I couldn’t wait to tell Aaron what I’d accomplished. He was, of course, happy for me, and I think he wished he’d been there to share that moment with me. Oh, well. At least I’d done it before the year ended. I’d just have to wait until I come back from Italy to swim with him in our speedos. In the meantime, I could spend as much time as I’d like at the pool working out alone.

[ReservedEnthusiast]

Chapter 10
A New Normal

After a hard goodbye, Aaron left for the summer. Most of the house scattered to different summer jobs or returned home after graduating until just a few of us remained. I was still working in town, and my tuition and fees had apparently paid for my membership at the rec center for a full calendar year. So, I was able to continue going for weight training and swimming throughout the summer.

By early July, I had adjusted to wearing a speedo without any further trouble or anxiety. I started by wearing my towel around my waist until I had claimed a chaise lounge and pool lane for myself. Then, I’d only be exposed for a few seconds until I jumped in the water. Gradually, I began to simply carry my towel over my arm, holding it in front of my speedo with goggles in hand. Finally, by late July, I stopped caring completely. I even felt confident enough to go back inside the locker room without a towel, dripping wet and straight out of the pool, to use the bathroom before continuing my workout. That was the point when I REALLY felt like a true swimmer, funnily enough: wet, without a towel, simply walking around and going about my business in the locker room or on the pool deck. Wearing a speedo had finally become a normal thing, and it was so freeing. I felt more comfortable in my own skin. Most of all, I loved that post-swim feeling where your skin and muscles feel taught and your soul feels calmed after a therapeutic soak and workout.

Every once in a while, I’d be able to spend some time tanning after my swims to try and rid myself of the horrid farmers tan on my arms and the shorts tan on my legs. Of course, I sometimes lost track of time or even fell asleep in the comforting sunshine, so I’d go home and discover my pasty white skin had turned as pink as a breast cancer awareness ribbon. Then would follow a week of absolute agony as I had to rub myself down with aloe vera day and night!

Eventually it came time to pack for my year abroad which led to a somewhat awkward situation. I had done laundry and was packing clothes in my suitcase with my mom’s help. Suddenly, my mom moved some clothing and unearthed my Home of the Fast kelly green speedo! “…What?” is all she managed to say in her surprise.

“OH!” I laughed nervously and quickly tried to formulate a cohesive explanation as to why I had it. “Remember back when we were shopping for a new suit that didn’t have a lining? Well, I finally bought some briefs to wear underneath, and these were the only ones on sale!”

“Oh, ok, that makes more sense,” she replied, no longer worried about why her very reserved, conservative son had a super flamboyant swimsuit. I packed it away without further incident or questioning.

And with that, I moved to Italy.

[ReservedEnthusiast]

Chapter 11
The Website

More than half a year later, I found myself casually reading online. Every once in a while, I also google personal accounts/stories relating to situations involving speedos, such as a roommate trying them on or the first time wearing them or friends sharing their suits, and so on and so forth, because they are both arousing and fascinating to me as someone who has never had a “speedo experience” myself.

On this particular day, I came across a story about a boy who joins a swim team after his family moves to Connecticut. I couldn’t stop reading it; the chapters were so gripping to me as this young guy went through the same reactions as I had when he first tries on a speedo. I continued browsing through the other threads and found a story I'd read a while ago about a cowboy-like college freshman who tries on and falls in love with speedos thanks to a couple friends on the swim team.

Then I saw an account of a swim team car wash where the guys all decided to just wear their team suits. I remember reading that back in freshman year! I continued until I found a touching story about a young kid named Jimmy from a very poor family who finds a mentor in a soon-to-be high school senior from less humble origins. I found that story particularly touching because I too come from a financially troublesome background. Oh, and that wonderful true story about the guy whose German roommate forced him to wear speedos at the beach! Ah, good times. If only I’d had a friend who’d done that.

I soon realized what site it was and discovered I’d been frequenting the same forum on and off for the past couple years. I could easily recognize the site’s various shades of blue in its theme. Upon moving on to the general swim suit guy talk section regarding the briefs and found a plethora of guys going through similar experiences or sharing similar thoughts and emotions. “Look at all of these guys just like me!” I thought to myself. And then, I came to a realization: I had to join. Too many times over the past years and past hours of browsing had I found myself wanting to click ‘Reply’ on a thread and yet couldn’t because I wasn’t a member.

So, I took the plunge and signed up. After years of keeping silent, I finally started to type out my thoughts, feelings and experiences. All these things I had kept secret for years flowed out of me like water through a fountain, thinking about how reserved and yet enthusiastic I had been about speedos. I finally had a peer group who also loved speedos with whom I could talk about subjects I wouldn’t dare bring up with my friends. I began my tale: “I first saw a speedo when I was about 9 or 10….”

I think you know where it goes from there.

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The End

[Alfred007]

Wow. Thank you for sharing. I totally underwtand and relate to working hard to achieve a goal. I have felt that I could not wear speedo as I was size 38. Now through hard work I am down to a 34. My wife does not approve of speedos. And for that I sadly respect her wishes, even though they would be just for our private pool or laps. But still I am excited about jy gains amd continue to work towards my goal.

[ReservedEnthusiast]

Sorry to hear that, Alfred007, but good on you for working towards your goal!