Thoughts on just being a guy

[sebbie]

I realize that but my point for now is that there are all sorts of stuff that happens, and it is not surprising that a lot of guys are more comfortable keeping everything they do in this respect as private as possible.

Some guys who openly engage in mutual masturbation with one or more other males end up eventually entering long-term gay relationships, but for many, perhaps most males, this is just a temporary phase that leads into adulthood and a heterosexual relationship with a female partner.

[sebbie]

Part IX

Every guy struggles with a version of the same problem. The circumstances are most obvious past puberty but before a guy has reached adulthood, when opportunities for experimenting with “real” sex with a sexual partner are very limited if they exist at all. The dilemma basically revolves around the fact that once a guy reaches puberty, episodes of feeling horny and having an orge to ejaculate occur on a very frequent basis, perhaps even as frequently as every day, yet opportunities to do so in privacy are much rarer.

This sets up a dilemma of sorts, a dilemma every guy must somehow resolve. The dilemma is further complicated by the belief a lot of guys have that their situation is somehow unique and that peers are not trying to solve the same problem in some reasonable and acceptable way.

The movies have long used this dilemma as the basis for a host of different coming-of-age movies that have storylines involving horny young males where the storyline is eventually resolved with the guys, even the shy, nerdy ones, seeking sex with and eventually having sex with young ladies, and that somehow everything turns out fine at the end of the movie because of this resolution of finally getting to have sex with a female partner.

Very few movies have ever even attempted to reveal what guys actually do to and for themselves in order to cope with their adolescent urges. Male sexuality often does not work at all how it is depicted in the movies—there is a lot more interesting stuff going on that the typical story line where a boy wants to have sex with a female who initially tells him no but eventually gives in as the movie draws to a conclusion---but to reveal how this all actually works for males day-to-day would be considered too “racy” to ever show on the big screen. Besides, what movie director would ever want to burst the myth that has always surrounded how sex works for adolescent and young-adult males and has sold a lot of movie tickets over the years.

So, guys are individually on their own in this regard and what they see in movies is often a long ways from what they are observing from other sources. Worse, male peers are stuck with the same dilemma in that what they can observe does not actually coincide at all with what they are doing day by day, normally to and by themselves.

What the guys are doing, of course is masturbating, probably as frequently as every day, and the real dilemma is finding a time and place with enough privacy in order to not draw attention to oneself from anyone. After all, masturbation is surely an inferior form of sexual release according to peer males, the movies (that usually do not mention the option at all) and to females their age. Females at an early age are taught that the female is the center of sexual pleasure for a guy, and they simply ignore the possibility that things in this department might be more complicated than that.

So all of this comes down to exactly how a guy can find ways to masturbate if for whatever reason he doesn’t want to or is not yet ready to engage in sex with a partner. Perhaps a snug-fitting garment such as a swim brief would be useful and helpful in this respect. But what if such an idea works too well and I like what I am doing with and too myself too much? What if I end up finding ways to do this that I like so much that I do not want to abandon them if and when I find a real sexual partner? In this respect I have often thought that gay guys face a much less daunting dilemma than straight guys do, but more of that later.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part IX

Every guy struggles with a version of the same problem. The circumstances are most obvious past puberty but before a guy has reached adulthood, when opportunities for experimenting with “real” sex with a sexual partner are very limited if they exist at all. The dilemma basically revolves around the fact that once a guy reaches puberty, episodes of feeling horny and having an orge to ejaculate occur on a very frequent basis, perhaps even as frequently as every day, yet opportunities to do so in privacy are much rarer.

This sets up a dilemma of sorts, a dilemma every guy must somehow resolve. The dilemma is further complicated by the belief a lot of guys have that their situation is somehow unique and that peers are not trying to solve the same problem in some reasonable and acceptable way.

The movies have long used this dilemma as the basis for a host of different coming-of-age movies that have storylines involving horny young males where the storyline is eventually resolved with the guys, even the shy, nerdy ones, seeking sex with and eventually having sex with young ladies, and that somehow everything turns out fine at the end of the movie because of this resolution of finally getting to have sex with a female partner.

Very few movies have ever even attempted to reveal what guys actually do to and for themselves in order to cope with their adolescent urges. Male sexuality often does not work at all how it is depicted in the movies—there is a lot more interesting stuff going on that the typical story line where a boy wants to have sex with a female who initially tells him no but eventually gives in as the movie draws to a conclusion---but to reveal how this all actually works for males day-to-day would be considered too “racy” to ever show on the big screen. Besides, what movie director would ever want to burst the myth that has always surrounded how sex works for adolescent and young-adult males and has sold a lot of movie tickets over the years.

So, guys are individually on their own in this regard and what they see in movies is often a long ways from what they are observing from other sources. Worse, male peers are stuck with the same dilemma in that what they can observe does not actually coincide at all with what they are doing day by day, normally to and by themselves.

What the guys are doing, of course is masturbating, probably as frequently as every day, and the real dilemma is finding a time and place with enough privacy in order to not draw attention to oneself from anyone. After all, masturbation is surely an inferior form of sexual release according to peer males, the movies (that usually do not mention the option at all) and to females their age. Females at an early age are taught that the female is the center of sexual pleasure for a guy, and they simply ignore the possibility that things in this department might be more complicated than that.

So all of this comes down to exactly how a guy can find ways to masturbate if for whatever reason he doesn’t want to or is not yet ready to engage in sex with a partner. Perhaps a snug-fitting garment such as a swim brief would be useful and helpful in this respect. But what if such an idea works too well and I like what I am doing with and too myself too much? What if I end up finding ways to do this that I like so much that I do not want to abandon them if and when I find a real sexual partner? In this respect I have often thought that gay guys face a much less daunting dilemma than straight guys do, but more of that later.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part X

So guys enter puberty thinking that the way to deal with the urge to ejaculate is to find that allows a guy to get this all over with in private but as quickly as possible. Indeed, a guy is a better male if he can go from feeling only slightly horny to a full-scale hard-on followed by a strong ejaculation in a record-setting time, a couple minutes or even less from start to finish. Part of this is tied to the old problem of fear—fear of discovery, mainly, and being accidentally discovered by anyone else could bring on a host of difficult issues to try and deal with. And then there is always the problem that traces of what has happened may be readily apparent, and that becomes another problem of concern and potential embarrassment.

What is a guy to do, anyway? Most guys probably deal with this problem (and it is a problem) by “training” themselves to go through the processes as quickly as they can, the faster everything happens the fewer risks are involved. They delude themselves into thinking that getting off in a record-setting time is somehow the most masculine way to be!

This is all fascinating in part because adult sexuality and particularly sex with a partner is really all about unlearning being super speedy about all of this. In the adult world, the slower the better, not the faster the better. So once a guy reaches young adulthood, what matters is learning how to sustain arousal and an erection for as long a period of time as possible not set some new world record time-wise. What guy in this world would want to be in a date with a girl and be at the point where she is ready for real intercourse and the guy is so hot and bothered that he ejaculates into his underwear long before he could engage in actual intercourse (entry). Talk about embarrassing!

This problem often haunts couples right into marriage. The medical term for all of this is “premature ejaculation” which is highlighted when the woman says that her male partner invariably ejaculates long before she is ready to have an orgasm. Premature ejaculation can often be categorized as a “learned behavior” that is learned in part by growing up with a deep-seated fear that for a host of reasons, a guy needs to move from initial arousal to ejaculation as quickly as possible and somehow in a male-female relationship the female will see the guy as being “more of a guy” if he can get off very quickly. The problem of course is that what seemed to work at age 14 is probably what doesn’t work at all in a serious relationship at age 21.

Indeed, even if you are not engaging in partner sex, learning how to masturbate slowly can be a useful skill to have as even masturbation is a lot more fun if you are not trying to set any time records. I realize that a lot of guys spend a lot of time worrying about what it means to get horny inside a snug-fitting garment such as a jock strap or a swim brief, and a lot of guys deep down worry that some items might end up inadvertently make them feel horny, and how they will cope if they somehow find themselves in a situation like this.

Yet, at the same time, the right (not wrong) snug-fitting garment (you tell me what specifically you like that “does” this for you), can be a useful aid in learning how to get your mind and body to get off, but at a leisurely pace, and in particular, if you are setting about what you thought were skills that you learned at age 14 about how to go from initial arousal to ejaculation in record setting time, the very skill you do NOT want to have in a sexual relationship with a partner.

A lot of complicated stuff comes up here. The sex therapists might regard any guy who likes to get off inside a snug-fitting garment of any sort as having some sort of a clothing fetish for that garment and something of an abnormality of sorts that needs to be “beaten back” through some sort of counseling labeled as sexual therapy. I would argue that doing this is quite normal to have happen for most if not nearly all guys. But then these same sex therapists traditionally have placed male-female intercourse on a pedestal as being superior to any other way of getting off, and prior to the 1970s even deemed gay partner sex as an abnormality that should be treated as a health issue if not a disease of some sort.

One of the neat things about being a gay male in a relationship is that your partner will have grown up facing much the same set of issues with respect to dealing with arousal, orgasms. If you are lucky your male partner will have dealt with an array of what I call snug-fitting garment issues as well and the two of you can run some experiments together. In a sexual relationship with a female partner the male is constantly dealing with a completely different and at least a complicated sexual universe which is at the core of how females experience sex versus males. Worse, the poor guy is constantly dealing with what the female learned from her mother about how male sexuality works, and a lot of this stuff is not right at all or correct in only a very limited way.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XI

Every guy quickly learns that it is great fun just to feel horny. Clearly, orgasm and ejaculation represent a great release with profound pleasure, pleasure that can be and often is overwhelming, but I have always thought that the sequence of events that may or may not conclude with orgasm, though a more subtle form of male pleasure, have their own unique place in a guy’s world.

And, of course, orgasms have their own complicated issues to deal with that can be mostly avoided when you are just feeling horny. For starters, it is possible to train your mind and body so that you can merely feel horny for hours on end without rising to another level, so to speak. As any young man knows, there are a lot of ancillary issues associated with ejaculating that require some practical thought and planning. For starters, are you ejaculating with a sexual partner or alone? If with a partner the problem quickly becomes as much a relationship issue as it is of simply enjoying your own body. And sexual relationships have ways to get very complicated very quickly. I do not need to list the issues and concerns here.

If you are doing this by yourself, what exactly are the circumstances you face? What planning has gone into finding a way such that any others are not privy to what you are doing and then perhaps create a situation for you that is embarrassing? A central part of growing up seems to be that being discovered having a solo orgasm leads to teasing and bullying related to the idea that you therefore must be gay. And some guys, perhaps in an effort to cover up their own insecurities in the sexual orientation to relentlessly tease and bully, if not the more familiar “you were doing this because you are too unattractive a person to be able to find a female to do this with!”

Here is the problem. If you want to ejaculate by yourself, you probably are in a situation where you think you need to get aroused and to the ejaculation part quickly for a bunch of different reasons. If you keep doing this regularly, your body and mind quickly gets conditioned so that you can come in a hurry. The problem with this is first, that in doing this at 90-miles an hour, you miss out on nearly all of the neat stuff that leads up to getting to the point where you can then no longer resist the urge to ejaculate. Further, if and when you do get into a relationship with a real sexual partner, you have done an excellent job of making certain that you are an expert at “premature ejaculation” as in getting off long before your partner does.

Any coming-of-age movie almost invariably involves horny teen males who are observing what they believe desirable sexual partners but from afar. Then, toward the end of the movie one of the nerdy guys manages to go on a date with an attractive female. Horny and aroused, the guy thinks that now he is finally going to get to see what real penis-vagina sex is like, only to discover that he is so aroused that he ejaculates into his underwear while still completely in his jeans. The encounter ends and the guy has blown off without ever getting his penis near the girls vagina, let alone into it.

At this point the girl doesn’t quite know what to say or do, but secretly she is more than a little amused by the sequence of events that took place. Every girl likes to think she is the one who can make a guy hard instantly. Perhaps she was willing to engage in penis-vagina sex with the guy but was to a certain degree was relieved that this all did not take place at this particular place and time. The guy has gotten an important lesson in the need to develop better ejaculatory control as being critical in any relationship close enough involve sets of bodily parts fitting together.

Which brings me back to the original theme of this story that says being horny is great fun, and instead of focusing on getting to the ejaculation part as quickly as possible, guys should focus their efforts on training their bodies to keep the embers of sexual arousal burning without going into a full ejaculatory phase for as long as possible, say an entire afternoon.

To be continued…
 

[sebbie]

Part XII

What does all of this have to do with options for men’s clothing? Interestingly, quite a lot! For example, take a look at the wide range options in male underwear, all of which come in contact with the male penis. There are situations and places where a guy is so distracted by the other things he is doing that feeling horny is not something that can be accommodated very easy. But there are other situations, maybe a leisurely Saturday afternoon without work or school to intrude, where a guy would like to be in and can maintain a semi-aroused state without distraction.

Look at the wide range of men’s underwear in the store. Some of it fits really loose, some of it fits snug and tight, some, like maybe a Spandex®-laced thong, fits really snug and tight. A guy might buy loose fitting cotton boxers for wear in situations where being sexually aroused would simply be a distraction, or perhaps as an undergarment to be worn in a gym locker room where the guy does not wasn’t to call undue attention to himself and that he even has male body parts.

But, the same guy’s wardrobe might also include snugger, tighter undergarments, garments that are more likely to press the male arousal buttons. These are regularly worn in situations where a guy would welcome feeling a little horny, because of the fit and feel of wearing something that fits snugly around all those super-neat nerve endings in a guy’s penis.

Then of course there are the items that a guy thinks fit so neat that they would almost instantly send him into an arousal/erection/orgasm frenzy, particularly if the guy has never owned one of those before. A related issue is finding the ideal underwear for a guy to wear if he is going on a date with a female which might end in penis-vagina sex and how the particular female might “react” to seeing him wearing each of these options. A most interesting puzzle! A particular style of underwear makes ME feel horny but will it have a similar effect on HER when for the first time she sees me wearing it? What a dilemma!

The thought has occurred to me that underwear manufacturers somehow understand at least some of what I have just told you. There may be some guys who always wear loose-fitting cotton boxers, and some guys who always wear skimpy bikini briefs, plus lots of guys in between the two options for which full-cut briefs or boxer briefs become the underwear of choice. One could easily get the impression that underwear sections of stores are attempting to cater to all these different customers.

But then there might be a significant share of customers who keep wardrobes with underwear options in a variety of cuts and styles, knowing fully that some of these are better suited for wear when a guy wants to feel horny and feeling horny will not be a distraction versus what the guy might wear when his mind is preoccupied with other non-sexual focused stuff he might be doing that day. Personally I tend to solve this puzzle every morning on a daily basis.

I find it interesting that the reading I have done on this subject suggests that most sexual therapists and psychiatrists (usually female it appears) seem to think that any guy who gets aroused simply when he wears underwear of a particular cut, design or style must somehow have a fetish to that particular clothing style, and further, this is somehow an abnormal sexual condition that needs to be treated with psychiatric therapy. But then it is not that many years ago that the entire group of medical-trained psychiatrists seem to think that being gay was abnormal and a “disease” of sorts that could be treated with the right therapy as well.

Having lost that battle over the claim that gay guys were somehow sick in-the-head in the 70s, the therapists quickly moved on to the idea that any guy who got aroused while simply wearing snug-fitting underwear was now clearly sick and needed help. This is all pretty funny if you stop and think about it, all going back to mothers teaching daughters that the only thing that can arouse a guy is the right female and that the daughter can use that information to her advantage as leverage in getting a guy to do nearly everything the female wants. The sex experts merely adopted the same idea the mothers were teaching their daughters. The idea that normal, decent guys can and often do get aroused in the absence of a female partner simply does not compute in this female fantasy world of make believe..

Meanwhile you have all these underwear manufacturers who realize that there is a large market for underwear designs that guys secretly think will make them feel quite good “down there,” and this market has exploded in recent years, particularly with the ability to purchase items in private on line. Guys no longer need to have the embarrassment of buying something snug, tight and slick by making a purchase with a (usually female) sales clerk.

Then there are the jeans. The current trends in men’s where everything is low rise, and with a form-fitting cut, happened once before in my lifetime in the years 1962-1968. Back then I was in high school and then in college, and I thought there was nothing so much fun to wear as a pair of very narrow-cut sand-colored denim jeans over a pair of snug-fitting tighty whitey briefs. That combination made me feel really good, merely thinking about wearing it sometimes soon sent me into an uncontrollable orgasmic frenzy which unfortunately I somehow knew I had to keep secret.

All of this also predates all the snugger-fitting bikini brief underwear and men’s thongs that showed up in the decade or two to follow. Oddly enough it has only been in recent years—the past 10 years maybe, that the really snug-fitting men’s jeans became popular again. I find the resent trend most interesting in that previous to that jeans had gotten really wide legged and sloppy fitting and I presume normally covered the bodies of guys wearing very loose fitting cotton boxers.

The stylish skinny jeans now simply do not work well with loose-fitting boxers and a style of underwear needs to be snug-fitting and usually a brief of some sort not a boxer brief with longer legs. Plus the now Spandex®-laced denim gives a tighter fit than was available in the 1960s, almost like a second skin of compression gear made of what looks like denim.

At this point I could go into a discussion of compression gear and swimwear for guys but I am going to hold off on that for now. I am going to end this discussion by saying that guys wearing the latest skinny-jeans styles are probably covering underwear that fits quite snug and tight while at the same time dealing with the some of the feelings of being constantly horny and a bit aroused just by wearing what they are wearing. I have difficulty given the designs seeing how guys can avoid that. But keep in mind the current trend is a strong reaction to the loose-fitting clothing almost designed to assure that the guy would not feel horny unless he was with a partner who wanted sex with him.

And the so-called sex experts understand almost nothing of what I have just told you about what goes on with guys. For guys just discovering all of this, don’t be embarrassed by what you have just learned. The best thing to do is just roll with it and also recognize the other guys your age around you are trying to cope with the same or very similar set of issues with respect to their own bodies and the associated feelings and sensations.

For guys, it is all as normal as sunshine, and most of the sex educators and therapists who claim to be experts are in fact clueless on a host of things they think they understand.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XIII

So, once a guy reaches puberty, he very soon learns that his penis is very fond of being in a place that is snug, slick and smooth. Dealing with this discovery quickly ends up being the complicated part of life from day-to-day.

A guy gradually pieces together the idea that this all might have something to do with being an adult and having sex with another person, most commonly a female about the same age, but dealing with this finding quickly gets complicated. Still a guy also quickly discovers that feeling horny on a regular basis and discovering the nuances of those interesting nerve endings in the groin area is not something that is going to somehow disappear or simply ignored as if it was not there.

As a guy gets older, this all just keeps getting more and more complicated. It is normal for guys to think that all of their male friends (well, maybe most of them) have somehow come up with a simple way to deal with all of this (typically having frequent sex with a willing female) The most popular guys on campus tend to brag about the sexual conquests they have had which invariably means having sex with some of the most attractive and popular girls on campus.

Of course, a lot more bragging goes on than what is likely happening in reality which in turn makes sorting out the truth from the hype difficult. The truth is that most guys are getting off most of the time in a solo-sex situation even though no guy would ever think about bragging about his own prowess in that regard. Still, the puzzle facing every guy in this respect must somehow be resolved…those horny sensations are really interesting and enjoyable and every guy knows that, so something has to give.

What happens, of course, is that guys gradually figure out schemes for getting off on a regular basis that are quite private and not easily spotted by anyone else. Mastering these techniques is no small task, and every guy is going to deal with this part of who he is in his own way. The notion of using the right item of clothing as a useful aid to accomplish the objective at hand may become an important part of all this.

What type of clothing? Why anything that would appear to fit snug, slick and smooth certainly would appear to be a potentially useful starting point. I have already mentioned the fact that if you wander through the men’s underwear section of any department store many of the items seem almost made to be purchased and used as jerk-off aid. To the extent that a guy can make a purchase under the guise that he just wants some new underwear when the real purpose is to purchase an item that will end up being useful for jerking off that is all the better, and this would certainly not attract the attention that a sex toy made to be a jerk-off assist would. A guy might own a vibrator for massaging tired muscles but never would he bring that same vibrator anywhere near the underside of his own penis! Yah sure!

Then there is the array of clothing items designed for being engaged in some sport—swimwear for sure but also all sorts of compression gear, running tights, wrestling and bicycling singlets, football pants and, of course, jock straps. A lot of this stuff seems all but made to order for assistance in masturbation. And who would be critical of any guy who enjoyed himself in this way? This is all sweet, harmless fun, with none of the issues and problems related to aving partner sex.

One concern some sex therapists seem to have is not that guys won’t find good jerk-off methods that are quite enjoyable, but that the methods employed end up be so enjoyable that the guy will decide that a life that includes sex with a partner is simply unnecessary. The mere thought that this situation could happen drives some sex therapists bananas, therapists who believe that the only truly enjoyable sex is sex with a partner, the activity that is somehow put on a pedestal and every other method of reaching a point of ejaculation is inferior, childish or otherwise somehow “wrong”.

Plus, let’s assume that a guy develops some solo sex techniques and methods that he really enjoys. What happens if he decides then to form a relationship with a partner? Dare he even think about showing his partner what he has been up to before the two of them met?

I have often thought that puzzle might be easier for two gay guys to resolve than for two heterosexual partners. Apparently, many females tend to associate male masturbation with somehow being gay, and have no idea of how important a source of erotic pleasure masturbation is for guys.

Sometimes the really interesting and important stuff is anything but how it might initially appear.

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XIV

James is invited to a pool party at a house of one of his male friends and classmates, and some female students from school will be there as well. James thinks that the total number will be around 20 people, about evenly divided male and female.

The party will start around 5 pm with swimming, and then an outdoor barbeque on a gas grill that will provide good eating stuff into the evening. This is a very common type of event for guys James’ age, and a chance to get to better know some of the people he interacts with at school on a more-or-less daily basis.

Of course, the whole idea when getting invited to someone’s house with a pool is to get to be in the water and swim. The problem comes in figuring out what to wear at such an event. James could just go in a tee shirt and board shorts, which is how the other guys will likely be dressed. The problem with that idea is that after the swimming time is over there will be eating, and the board shorts are going to be soggy wet which is not only uncomfortable, but also looks unsightly. Maybe there is a better strategy.

James comes up with a scheme of wearing board shorts and tee like he thinks the other guys will be wearing along with his flip flops. But he decides to do something interesting. Underneath the board shorts, he puts on a “classic” royal blue Speedo® swim brief. Anyone who has had anything to do with men’s swim briefs knows that this cut and even color is perhaps the most classic and best known of all the Speedo® products. The brief has 3-inch sides, so it is not too brief or too attention-grabbing in that regard, but still, a Speedo® would not be a real Speedo® if it did NOT conform to the mail body slick and snug. James, who has purchased this suit some time ago has tried it on and looked at himself in the mirror, but had not yet gotten up the “nerve” to wear it in public.

The idea James has is to wear the board shorts and tee to the pool edge, and then just before entering the water he plans to discard the still-dry tee and shorts at the side of the pool to be wearing only the royal blue Speedo®. That he does when he gets to the party.

James is relieved that it did not appear that any of the other party goers seemed to pay attention or even particularly notice what he was doing, but he is now in the water wearing only the brief. Or at least, that is what James initially thought, anyway. But the truth is one or two of the guys did see and notice and realized that though covered by the water, James was now only wearing that neat little royal blue brief.

So, within minutes several of the guys were commenting on what James was doing, and a few of the females were aware as well. Females sometimes seem to get almost angry over the idea of guys openly wearing swim briefs, but in this case a few of the guys along with one or two of the females (in collaboration) decide it would be fun to "hide” (I won’t say steal) James’ tee and board shorts, so that when he comes out of the water and heads over by the barbeque grille he is going to be clad only in that tight-fitting royal blue Speedo®.

This is not a mean-spirited deal—James pretty much knows that he will get his still-dry shorts and tee back at the end of the party, but meanwhile he has to deal with the situation he now faces of having to interact with classmates of both sexes still wearing just the swim brief.

What happens next is very very interesting. Secretly the guys are all interested in seeing if they can discern how James’ body is “coping” with this situation and any indirect information they can get by just careful observation as to how the situation might be impacting the “condition” of James’ groin area or not. Few guys like to admit this in part because in doing so (just wearing a swim brief in a place like this) it might be interpreted as low-level “gay” behavior, but most guys in a situation like this would be most “curious” as to how James is holding up under the circumstance of being the only guy wearing a “Speedo® at the party.

The other thing that is interesting is that Speedo®-clad James, ordinarily a bit quiet shy and maybe even nerdy, suddenly has some females coming over to him to introduce themselves and make small talk. Quiet Speedo® clad James appears to be almost instantly the most popular guy at the pool party/barbeque. James doesn’t know quite what to make of all of his new-found popularity with his classmates either, but he is enjoying it for sure. And, oddly enough the females talking to him seem to not be put off at all by what he is wearing. If James had to guess., he would say that more than a couple of the females seem perhaps even a bit aroused by getting to see him cluse up in the snug brief.

So, there is not a lot more to say. James’ classmates give him back his tee and board shorts as the party concludes. James has become better acquainted with some of his peers, both male and female, than would have been the case had he done te same thing all the other guys did, clothes wise. And James has somehow added to his store of knowledge with respect to how females might behave when faced with a situation like this. In short, the females didn’t act at all like James thought they might given what he had read on the subject about females usually hating it if guys wore swim briefs. Most interesting for sure!

But the most interesting question of all is what the other guys at the party are going to do, swimwear wise, when they are invited to another swimming party set up the same way. The behavior of the females at the party rather shoots holes in the theory that a swim brief is something worn only by the gay guy at the party. And aside from the clothing “theft”, what James was trying to do was quite practical given the circumstances at the event

Plus, the other guys could not help but noticing that by being forced to wear a swim brief at the barbeque (post-swim) part of the party, the ordinarily somewhat shy-and-nerdy James had suddenly become more popular with the females. No sane guy is going to ignore this.

What will happen at the next pool party? James MAY have started a trend of sorts. Will more guys show up at the next party wearing swim briefs under their board shorts? Will a few of the guys be “hoping” that their board shorts will get “stolen” as well while they in the pool so they will be “forced” to go to the barbeque part clad only in a snug swim brief as well? Or will guys just show up for the eats clad only in swim briefs just for the fun of seeing how everyone (but especially the females), react to this?

Challenging questions and issues, all of them!

[sebbie]

Part XV

Only shortly after a guy goes through puberty and accidentally uncovers the sheer fun of having a real orgasm, does he soon learn that somehow, for some strange reason, that his penis really likes to be in a place that is both snug and really slick and smooth.

This is further complicated by a realization that seems to imply that a penis somehow knows when it inside a place that is snug and feels smooth. It is almost as if the male penis somehow, sometimes, has a “mind” of its own. Of course that cannot be, or can it? Is this part of the human body that we simply do not fully understand, even now?

Even more curious is that once inside the space, the penis seems to be able to compute very quickly the amount of space that is available, and then somehow expand just enough to exactly fill the space that is available, no more and no less. Even it, for the moment the penis is not in direct contact with whatever is around it, it seems to “know” that the limits that are imposed and can take full advantage of the surroundings. Even wilder, once it gets to that point it starts telling the guy’s brain that the place it is just barely touching if at all is, well, interesting. This crazy sensations of being confined but to the exact correct amount is one of the goofiest but I have often thought a most interesting part of male sexuality.

I have frequently thought about what I have just told you in instances where partners are not having partner-sex within the confines of a snug space, and how these rules might or might not apply in a situation hereby a guy only seeks to have fun by jerking off, say, wearing a snug-fitting garment such as a swim brief or athletic supporter (aka jock strap).

Also, shortly after puberty, just after a guy begins to think he is beginning to understand some of how this stuff all works, does a guy start to realize that certain inanimate objects, most notably certain items of snug-fitting clothing, will under certain situations tend to create situations that in some ways mimic part of the sensations a guy has during partner sex. This is an amazing conclusion, in some ways mind-blowing, and a discovery that should not be a cause for embarrassment. Well, at least most of the time.

Think about this for a moment. Two clothing items guys may be very reluctant to wear are swimming briefs and athletic supporters (aka straps). Both of them have the potential of putting a guy’s penis in a very confined space. The outcome of that situation could be quite unpredictable. Nothing strikes terror in a young guy more than being in a situation in which he loses control of his own body and then ends up ejaculating in a semi-public setting, and some guys will do whatever they think they need to do to avoid that possibility. Think about how this might relate to you. Did YOU ever get in a situation where you ejaculated when you were in a semi-public place? The logical fear is that merely putting on a swim brief or strap will lead to a personally out-of-control situation. Some excuse for not wearing the item that might accidentally precipitates this and therefore avoids the real problem will be in order.

Except for one thing. Well maybe two things. Guys are naturally curious as to whether their classmates are experiencing a similar “reaction” and thus having the same problem, so any situation that sets up a setting in which ALL the guys will be required to wear a swim brief or strap sets up an interesting place to do “research” on all of this. And perhaps even “contests” as in dares along the lines of “I think I can wear a smaller and snugger swim brief than you can without embarrassing myself.” Lots of guys like to convert what might have been an embarrassing situation into a male contest of sorts.

I must admit that when I was a young man, I was fascinated with the prospect of wearing either a swim brief or a strap. But I wasn’t a swimmer. Not being a swimmer nor engaged is any sport that required a strap when I was in high school, I was still very curious about how the guys who got to wear these items “felt”. They looked like great fun.

It was not long after I got into college and was somewhat on my own that I decided I needed to find out for myself.

Of course, swimming for competition may require and undersized brief and many sports at that time would have required both a strap and a cup, which added another dimension and made everything in the groin area potentially even more interesting.

In this respect, straps may be even weirder than ordinary swim briefs. The core design of the traditional straps seems somewhat “mean” to the genitalia. And what is this idea of keeping a guy’s butt crack totally uncovered, anyway? Straps seem made to tug and pull in all sorts of interesting places in the groin area of a male. Cups make it all even more complicated and interesting.

Guys get torn between the positive desire to simply kick back and enjoy the fun, coupled with the serious worry that if this all works too well an embarrassing ejaculation could occur within the space of only a minute or two. How do the other guys cope, anyway? Will I get teased and bullied if I end up out of control?

Last night I spent some time browsing the Internet with respect to what other authors were now saying about the merits of male solo sex, and in the process run into any number of sites selling what are called sex toys specifically designed for male masturbation. Some of these have gotten wild, crazy and also quite expensive. As I was reading this I was thinking about guys who simply enjoy jerking off either in a swim brief or strap, and face the problem of hiding their jerk-off “toy” from parents, roommates etc. A basic problem with the masturbation toys is that a guy probably can fake an excuse for owning a swim brief or even a strap, but the male masturbation toys leave no room for fake excuses. In comparison, the stuff I suggest you try doing to and with yourself is very tame.

Also, it appears to me that there is a whole new market for male masturbation sex toys to be employed on the guy by a sexual partner, usually female. We ordinarily think of sex as falling into the two categories solo sex and partner sex. But there is an emerging third category in which the partner, with the aid of a sex toy, attempts to get a guy hard and then ejaculate using the toy on him. I suppose this could turn into mutual masturbation as well, but interestingly this is much safer form of sex than interchanging bodily fluids. Not only that, in the case of a male-female couple, the idea now brings a masturbation technique front and forward as a full-fledged not inferior form of human sexual activity. The female, traditionally unhappy being left out when the guy secretly masturbates, is once again a full partner in the entire process.

Interesting!

To be continued…

[sebbie]

Part XVI

In male-female intercourse, timing is everything. In particular, both participants must a. achieve orgasm and b. this should occur as close to the same time as possible.

For most guys who face a timing problem, it is usually a situation whereby the guy ejaculates too quickly. The medical term for this is premature ejaculation. The frequent consequence of premature ejaculation is that a guy comes so fast that the female does not achieve an orgasm at all. This in turn leads to an assortment of marital problems and issues, culminating in the conclusion that, to put it politely, that the couple is not “sexually compatible”. In short, the good life with a female partner is all about getting the timing right. And, in particular, in the usual case a guy needs to develop his skills at remaining aroused but just under the level where ejaculation takes place. Having developed that skill, the guy might very well be able to make love for an extended period of time. The greatest lovers are able to train themselves to stay aroused but not ejaculate such that the woman can have multiple orgasms in a single lovemaking session, a session that might last 20 or 30 minutes not 2 or 3 minutes. Indeed, that is the goal.

Once past puberty guys quickly become fully aware of how much pure enjoyment is obtained from the male orgasm. The sensations often hit like a lightning bolt and are not to be stopped let alone delayed. The sheer enjoyment of all the events starting with the initial arousal leading via perhaps a long circuitous path that ends with a powerful orgasm is largely ignored. Everything is about the orgasm itself, not the events leading to the orgasm.

So guys usually masturbate directly to orgasm. That lesson was learned quickly. That is what they know how to do. Time is wasting. Orgasms are terrific fun but a guy needs to move quickly and get it over with before, horror of horrors, someone should walk in on him unexpectedly or otherwise figure out what he is doing to and with himself. This is just great training for a guy who will end up ejaculating prematurely as a young adult now in a relationship with a female. What better lesson could there be in teaching yourself how to have an orgasm before she does than seeing how fast you can masturbate to a full orgasm. Sure, keep doing that for months and years and you will have the wrong lovemaking technique down pat.

Sexual arousal is odd in a host of different ways. There are probably as many paths or techniques that guys employ to reach an orgasm as there are guys. This is particularly the case when we are talking about sex by and with yourself. Many of the classic methods purportedly involve porno magazines and videos of one sort or another. I never quite thought that methods employing these two items were quite as popular nor worked quite as well as was generally believed.

Be aware that sometimes guys get themselves in a medical situation where a semen sample is required. What this means that the guy needs to figure out a way of getting himself worked up enough to have an orgasm, but in the complete privacy of a bathroom stall. If the movies are accurate, giving a guy a porno magazine in such a setting is quite common. I have no idea as to whether this scheme somehow works for most guys or not.

I know I am not wired that way. I suspect a lot of other guys might not be either. For me, its all about the touch, the sensation of having something bearing down snuggly and smoothly around my penis. I am very fond of the sensations the underside of my penis is able to generate even when I am only partially hard. I suspect there are other guys who are wired much the same. The porno mags and videos for the most part are bleah… To each his own, I guess.

But, I also know the greatest enjoyment from sex—alone or with a partner—comes from an developing skills that specifically allow a guy to build ever so slowly. I learned these skills, largely on my own, gradually over a lifetime, and infrequently discovering little sexual pleasure hot spots for guys that I was not previously aware of. That I am not quite wired in the same way I think some of my male friends are wired in all of this I see as an advantage not a problem. I have found a path that is both important and useful.

In or out of a relationship a guy can train himself to enjoy himself more in solo sex and be a better lover in partner sex. The lessons cannot all be accomplished in a short period of time. A guy who is used to jerking off quickly is not going to be able to break some undesirable habits given that he is marrying in only a few weeks or even months.

The issue does not get a lot of attention for two reasons

1. How a guy learned to jerk off quickly involves admitting to someone else that he masturbates

2. Even nowadays solo masturbation continues to reign as being politically incorrect and the subject a guy dare not mention to anyone.

I keep asking myself over and over whether two gay guys in a sexual partnership are able to deal with what I have just told you any easier than a heterosexual couple would. On one hand, it should be easier in part because guys generally understand how other guys are sexually wired at least better than how guys understand how females are sexually wired.

To be continued…