Thoughts on just being a guy

[sebbie]

That was certainly fun!

Today I have a puzzle for you. Think back over your lifetime. I want you to think about various situations you have been in where you were alone (not with a sexual partner) but somehow had gotten yourself into a highly-aroused (horny) state. The question is “What were you doing, and why were you so aroused?” What was your absolute “best” experience?

I realize, of course, that in their teens, the vast majority of guys are bombarded with, for want of a better term, the “urge” to masturbate. Sometimes these instances happen for good reason, such as seeing something the male mind deems is “sexy” but sometimes this urge seems to occur for no apparent reason at all, except that the whole thought somehow “feels good“, and suddenly the guy’s mind starts to focus on his penis and the sheer enjoyment of getting an erection. Things start to happen and what felt good only moments ago feels really good right now. And so on. And so on. Right up until the moment that things go into “auto-pilot’ mode and ejaculation is inevitable.

Young guys generally do not have a good understanding of exactly when the autopilot turns on, meaning that the guy no longer has control of his ejaculation, except, of course, there is always a point where this happens. Indeed, younger guys generally do not appreciate that the need to sustain oneself not reaching the point of no return until the right time is in fact a most important part of being a male learning how to cope with being a guy, and that learning how to do so is important.

Most sex manuals aimed at helping couples tend to focus on the whole idea that timing is everything, and the ideal love partners if successful are going to have an orgasm, if not at the exact same time, at as close to the same time as possible. The usual complaint is that orgasm for the female partner occurs “late” if at all, and that the guy therefor suffers from a “disease” called premature ejaculation, which by definition is going into autopilot orgasm mode before his partner is even close.

I confess, when I was 13 I was happy (actually, very happy) to get to occasionally have enough privacy so I could beat off, but I was also worried that I would be inadvertently “discovered” doing that, so the objective was to move everything forward as fast as possible so to minimize the risk of that happening. At that point in time, I was focused solely on how much fun those huge muscular contractions during ejaculations were and I had the ability to ejaculate more than once in a single day, so ejaculating right now was not much of a setback. Still, I feel sorry for the poor guys who somehow managed to go directly from their teen selves to an adult-style partner relationship. There is so much to learn!

For me at least, my beat-off sessions were frequently intertwined with some sort of garment that I either had, or thought I would someday want to own, once I was out on my own. Not surprisingly, I guess, a focus for me was owning a swim brief. To this day, I do not fully understand why this happened, but as a teen, I somehow drew the conclusion that a skimpy swim brief was perhaps the ideal garment for jerking off in when in private and the tighter the fit the better. Never mind that I was not a swimmer and had no obvious reason to own a swim brief. The only thing I could imagine is that any guy who owned one of these had to be using it to jerk off in—perhaps even on a daily basis. I had no idea whether any of my male peers had the same hang up or thought like I did and there was no way to find out.

What I did learn from all of this is that a partner relationship is not a requirement for a guy to have fun with his own body, and that trying to navigate a partner-focused sexual relationship might be easier if the guy has had some experience learning how to cope with snug-fitting clothing during solo masturbation, and in particular, learning some of the nuances of “edging” with the aid of a snug-fitting garment such as a swim brief. The “danger” of course, is that the guy gets so enamored with edging and other fun aspects of solo sex that he sees no need to move into a partner relationship.

A snug-fitting swim brief is by no means the only clothing item that does this, at least not for me. My teen years were also taken up struggling to deal with snug-fitting jeans that fit really tight in the crotch and butt, and I had a couple embarrassing “accidents” if you can call them that. Other items too. The jock strap I never got to wear as part of being in a team sport that required guys to wear one, and, of course, more recently, all the various compression gear, jammer-style compression shorts. Wrestling singlets and running tights, not to mention thongs of various sorts. The online Internet retailers have a huge array of “stuff” directed at guys who want items that they can use for personal “self-abuse” and can be ordered in privacy.

In 1975, the American Psychological Association decided that sexual attraction to a person of the same sex was no longer a disease, but simply part of the “completely normal” range of human sexuality, and thus that gay guys did not suffer from any sort of mental illness, curable or not.

I find interesting, however, that you can still find a lot of books on psychology that claim, first, that any sort of inanimate object used as part of getting off is a called a fetish, and that, since the items on my list--swim briefs, straps, thongs etc--are inanimate, the guy who uses these items to get off somehow is mentally deficient and suffers from a fetish. In short, if this guy was OK mentally, he would instead be pursuing relationship sex (With a male or female partner) and not jerking off with the aid of his newly-acquired Speedo or jock strap!

Hey wait a second! Solo sex is part of the normal range of human sexual behavior too, and if I like to stain my new Speedo that way, who out there should be critical? Besides, working with these items could improve a guy’s edging skills and that skill just might come in handy later on in a relationship. The only problem we have is that some so-called “experts” have decided that any sort of sexual arousal that happens involving an inanimate object is somehow abnormal if not a mental defect of some sort!

I have read that the space that a lot of guys occupy getting turned on by wearing items on my list from swim briefs to running tights is strictly a “male thing” and that there is nothing comparable at all in female sexuality. I am still trying to sort that one out but I am not convinced that is entirely true. Do the female garments that many heterosexual men find arousing do “nothing” for the female whatsoever?

Good question!