Thoughts on just being a guy

[sebbie]

Part CV

So, human sexuality is this goofy combination of physical sensations having to do with nerves and touch, and the mental/psychological part which frequently but not always has to do with the visual. Once a guy reaches puberty, it takes awhile for all of this to settle in. I’ve sometimes thought that as adults many guys still do not fully understand the complexities of the situation they must now confront.

If I were to watch TV or the movies, I would probably come to the conclusion that sexuality is all about the attraction that two people have for each other, normally on a visual level. Yet there have been movies made which focus on the idea that even blind guys can and do regularly get turned on sexually obviously without visual stimuli of any sort.

Generally the commercial movies end up being focused on relationship sex mostly straight M-F sex but a minor category being movies that contain some aspect of gay M-M or F-F partner sex. This latter category generally is treated not as would otherwise could be major commercial releases but as something generically called “art” films, and a subcategory designed to appeal to people who are not, you know, straight. This is a relic of the old days when it was generally believed by the public that gays somehow had something “wrong” with them. But then apparently the movie market says that relationship movies that make lots of money need to feature people who are having sex with a partner of the other sex and whatever else there is has yet to be fully sorted out.

Another interesting aspect of all of this is how the porn sites subdivide and categorize videos. Apparently a lot of people want to watch heterosexual couples engaging in penis-vagina sex with nothing left to the imagination about what part fits where, and this becomes a giant straight category.

Then there is another big category of videos that feature a guy having some form of sex (usually oral or anal) with another guy. And this becomes a portion of a giant “gay” category of porn videos.

But there are other videos—solo sex videos—in which, at least on the male side, is revealed how a guy might engage in doing himself to orgasm (or just get really turned on) without a sexual partner. Oddly enough, all these videos get tossed into the gay sex pile apparently as if the only guys who masturbate are, in fact, gay.

Of course, this is a patently false assumption. I do not doubt that there are some gay guys who would be interested in this whole subject matter of how to engage in solo sex, but, oddly enough a pile of straight guys might be more than a little interested as well.

Think about this. As a young teen I was learning the nuances of who I was as a guy and I seemed to uncover a new way to enjoy my own body nearly every day. This all would have been great fun had I not been so worried and apprehensive about what I was doing by, to and with myself. And everything I was learning was a dark secret not to be revealed to anyone.

Of course I had male peer friends. But the last thing I would have ever have done would have been to get up the nerve to ask one of them if he was having the same “problem” as I am having and surely not quizzing him about what he was doing specifically to deal with the ongoing situation. A worst-case scenario would have been for the guy to come back at me and say he had none of this problem I had described, why am I asking such silly questions. Worse, he might respond by saying that engaging in such solo activities was something real guys (as in guys interested in females, sexually) would never do that. Further, if I liked doing that to myself that was a sign that I was actually gay at least in part. Real guys were female-focused for all their turn-on activities.

I would have been devastated had that happened and certainly I did not want to even begin to verbalize my thoughts on the subject. I would argue that growing up the vast majority of guys exist in the place I was in, never learning more from others than I did. The vast majority of guys never get to the point where they even talk openly about such questions for the reasons I have cited, let alone get involved in a circle jerk or other overt sexual activity with one or more male peers. And they enter adulthood, marriage and all the rest still being stumped by what exactly was going on down there when they were teenagers.

Then there are the physical aspects of it all. Growing up I quickly discovered that it was fun to wear snug-fitting clothing, items such as underwear, swimwear, snug-fitting jeans. I was relying on peer observation. I noticed that other guys my age seemed to like some of the same clothing items I did—cousins who wore tight jeans and wore swim briefs to bed, for example. The mystery always was whether they were doing this because these items tended to arouse them as well, or did they wear these items simply because that was the popular style of the day. I would have never dared ask this question openly, just observe, and to this day I still have no idea what the answer might have been had I ever dared ask the question. It was just something guys did not want to talk about with anyone.


So fast forward to adulthood. A lot of guys grew up in a system that probably was no more open about such issues than the guys were when I was growing up. If any adult male is OK with getting into the “gay” section of the porn video sites, many of the questions you might have had with respect to whether or not what you did by yourself as a young teen was normal or not can probably be answered, and you might just uncover some fun new ways to masturbate that had not occurred to you before. Some guys are quite creative in this regard, and may be able to teach you a thing or two with regard to how to do techniques for messing with your own body down there.

Of course, you may not want to do this because you believe what you were told by peers when you were 14 that masturbation was something only gay guys were interested in doing and that if you like it that much then surely deep down you must be gay. If you believe that, I am not going to try and help you. On the other hand…

To be continued…