Thoughts on just being a guy

[sebbie]

Part LIV

One of the most interesting parts about male sexuality is how guys end up learning about all the fine details of what is before them. I know that for some of my readers, sexual thoughts almost immediately turn to thoughts about finding a partner that a guy is close enough to in order to enjoy sex together, but as any guy (or female for that matter) can tell you, the world of sexual partners can not only be extremely complicated but often times overwhelming to the point of being disgusting to try and deal with all of the complex nuances. In short,. A sexual relationship with a partner can be a lot of fun under the best of circumstances, but those circumstances occur less frequently than most guys would like to admit.

Still, I have to say that I am happy for guys who have somehow found a path to navigate all of this. I wish them all the best in that regard. What they have managed to do is no small accomplishment and usually requires great effort. Guys don’t somehow just “fall” into a rewarding sexual relationship with a partner. Indeed, for most guys, this requires work, hard work!

Then there are the rest of us. Those of us who perhaps consider ourselves less lucky. Maybe some of us even believe that the other guys are able to navigate a sexual partnership because they are smarter or better equipped to do so. That is an interesting thought. I need to think about that for a moment. Perhaps a lot of what we think might be happening for the other guys is delusional. Any relationship, straight or gay, has its rocky moments. Two different people by definition are not going to be wired the same sexually. At some level we all understand that. And maybe what we think is happening to our “lucky” friends at some level is delusional, well; at least some of it, anyway.

I like to think that most of what I know about male sexuality I had picked up by the time I was in the 6th grade. Heck, maybe it was earlier than that. I know it was a long time ago. My friends all seemed to be bouncing around in the early stages of what a close relationship with another person might turn out to be from a sexual perspective. All of this was at some level quite amusing.

This same plot of sorts has been played out in a myriad of coming-of-age movies. Guys discovering girls. Antics similar to the story line of “Summer of ’42.” What it would be like to “be” with an older woman even if for only once.

My path didn’t seem to follow that story line at all. In the 6th grade, I was masturbating a lot. I presume my male classmates were doing the same thing, but I thought that was far too private a subject to ever discuss openly. How a guy gets off alone or with a partner is a really private subject for most guys, despite all the movies. I guess some guys that age are fantasizing about being with women as they masturbate, as in, follows the same path as the coming-of-age movies did.

All of this means that solo sex, aka masturbation, remains a very taboo topic for a lot of guys, guys who are far more at ease talking about a sexual encounter with a partner than one that happened alone.

This is like the discovery of parallel worlds in physics. There is this world of partner sex that everyone knows about and accepts a world that a guy can hardly avoid not seeing. But then there is this other, hidden, parallel world that from the standpoint of sexual enjoyment is in much the same place and in many ways sexually at least as enjoyable but almost completely hidden. Some guys get off by thinking about having sex with a female (or male) partner and this is considered quite “normal” thank you. But for other guys this is all unnecessary. Interesting stuff, but in many ways scary at some level as well. In part one needs to understand that not all guys are wired the same with respect to a need to psychologically involve a sexual partner even when jerking off alone.

Like I say, I had figured out most of what I am telling you today by the time I had reached the 6th grade, but I was unable to write it down. Actually, had I written it down it probably would have been seen by others as strange, weird, embarrassing or even outlandish.

So, it is important to recognize that guys have two paths when they get off alone. The conventional path involves the psychology of imagining and thus rationalizing you are with a partner even though you are alone. Guys rationalize masturbating that way as being just the logical extension of what would be still better as an orgasm happening within partner sex.

But there is also this other hidden path. Guys discovering that they can easily get aroused and hard without even thinking about being with a sexual partner. The “penis operating on its own” mode where the penis just “decides” it’s time to get hard and”tells” a guy’s brain about what is going on in the groin area. Then guys quickly discover that it is possible to get a penis erect not by thinking about having “real” sex with a partner, but merely because a guy somehow got stimulated by something happening in the groin area.


And, not long after a guy “discovers” that the “right” (or wrong if you want to think about it that way) garment can prove “helpful” in turning this all on and off. To illustrate, guys discover that masturbating in the nude is fun, but it is even more fun to masturbate while wearing a snug,-fitting smooth-textured garment like a little swim brief. Shortly after guys discover this they start “collecting” clothing items that might prove useful in this regard. There are a lot of these, of course, and the manufacturers know that there is a demand for these items that is coming from this parallel world that guys do not even like to admit exists. For a guy learning the finer points of solo sex, it doesn’t take long to identify some items that might prove “helpful” in this regard, but admitting this to anyone else opens a door into a parallel world that a lot of guys think is somehow embarrassing, unnatural and somehow should remain closed to outsiders. The problem is that this parallel world can indeed be a lot of fun, but particularly so for guys who do not have a readily available sexual partner.

There is more to this story—much more!

To be continued…