Speedo Shame Origin

[valorian2]

There's a stigma in the US about wearing Speedos and I know from reading a bunch of posts that people always start out being a little embarrassed about their swimsuit preference, and then you eventually build up the courage to wear one in public and you never look back.

But where did all that shame start for you, and when did you get rid of it?

I'm mostly asking because after going to a beach and wearing a Speedo out in public in front of a lot of people for the first time, really, I'm jonesing to do it again real bad. I loved it so much and felt so proud. But the next time I'm gonna be in a potential Speedo situation is with my family, and they are 100% the source of all my internalized Speedo shame.

Speedos were the butt of jokes for as long as I can remember. Wearing them, men that wear them, the way they look, all of that was always a big joke, like the men that wear them are inferior and not to be taken seriously and to be mocked. The idea of them or any of the men in our family wearing a Speedo was always laughable. I grew up around pools and water with my family, so this came up A LOT. And it really made all the desire I had to try on Speedos and make the switch to wearing them even more taboo, a lot more than it DEFINITELY should be since it is JUST an article of clothing.

So I now have to get through a whole weekend with them in a few weeks wearing trunks -- slightly shorter trunks though, 4-5" inseam, I've metaphorically burned all the board shorts in my possession, never looking back -- but still trunks and not the Speedo that I've packed. That'll be covered up by shorts all weekend.

Just counting down the days until I can get back to a beach myself.

[sebbie]

You raise some interesting and important issues. Let me address them point by point.

1. Body size and body image. Over the last 20-25 years, in the US at least, people on average are 20-25 lbs heavier than they were in, say, 1990. If you buy a Small Polo shirt today, it will be about the same size as a Medium would have been purchased in 1990. Clothes got bigger as more and more guys found it easier toi just cover up rather than reveal that they had added weight.

2. Men have body image issues too. They might commonly be more hung
up on this than women, even.

3. Women by and large do not seem to have the same issues should an overweight woman show up at the beach or pool that men do with respect to an overweight man showing up in a skimpy swimsuit. Go figure. Some men seem to get downright angry over this, especially in the US. So most guys quickly learn that they need to err on the side of caution when it comes to swimsuit and in particular tummy coverage.

4. Many, perhaps most men think it is fun if their wife or other significant female partner shows up in a skimpy bikini and the other guys to a degree ogle her. This is alpha male stuff, demonstrating to the other guys around the pool how fortunate you are to be able to breed with such a desirable mate. Many women play along with this and are fine with it. They like the attention, and so long as the other males do not make obvious passes that would be difficult to pass off, the skimpier the bikini the better!

5. Women see men dressed in skimpy swimwear very differently from men in mixed company around the pool. A Woman does NOT want to see her man ogled by other potentially available women. He is hers, and hers alone. In particular she doesn’t want other women to see even the covered outline of his genitalia. So far as she is concerned, that is hers, and hers alone. That’s where wearing a swim brief gets a guy into trouble.

6. Swim briefs, for better or worse, have gotten associated with being something gay guys wear. Deep down the woman worries in part that the other women in the group will conclude that her guy might be gay, or at least bisexual. Why otherwise is he showing off his body parts like this for all to see? So it’s fine if a swim team wears briefs at practice, and the guys are all ok with that. Its fine even if the swim teams includes men and women. But on a social or party occasion? Probably not!

7. Then there are all the issues guys secretly worry about if the wear a swim brief (worries they have had about snug-fitting clothing since age 11 or 12) , in particular getting an erection at an inopportune moment and everyone will see that. Better to wear clothing that will make any inopportune erections less noticeable.

8. Having said that, part of the reason I engage in such a strenuous and consistent exercise program is that I find the idea of looking good in a skimpy swim brief motivates me. Plus, I have always found them fun to wear in all sorts of different ways. Since I don’t have a wife or girlfriend I don’t spend time worrying about the other issues, but I understand why the guys who do tend to worry.

[SwimTeamSpeedo]

I grew up in very rural Northern Maine USA, which one would think is about as conservative a place as there is. I was on a swim team of some type starting at age 6 or 7. My family was not poor, but we did not have money for me have swim team suits and other suits, so my last years speedos became this years recreation swimsuits. It wAs never an issue. I went to high school in Virginia to have a better chance to swim in college. I remember there that I got teased a little about my swimsuits outside of team, but it never lasted long. I have worn brief suits my whole life and it has never been an issue. Life is too short to not be who you are. It is sad that you have to play a different role around your family. I would just put on the swimsuit you like and be matter of fact about it. As long as you are in good taste, no thongs or butt showing, let them just get over it. If you are worried start with a wider cut, once they accept that go to a more normal cut. I somewhat think we make this speedo stigma more than it really is. If they think brief cut suits are gay and you are then they guessed right. If you are straight and in a speedo, it will soon be clear that you and your choice of suit are not markers of your orientation. Be who you are, wear what you want.

STS

[Dooley67]

I've been wearing brief suits since I was a late teenager in NY, Brooklyn specifically, where either speedo type suits or square cuts were very common for guys, so it was never an issue. When I came to Maine for graduate school at the age of 21, I continued wearing speedos and never had an issue with it.

The only time I stopped wearing speedos for about a year was when I had gained 15 unwanted pounds and I didn't like the way I looked in a brief suit. I didn't like the way I looked in a fitted dress shirt either. You see, it was my choice and my decision. Since losing the weight and becoming a serious swimmer, I returned to wearing speedos, the narrower the better - my limit is 1.5" for my own sense of what looks decent. For me it was how I felt I looked, not how others' thought I looked or what others' think of me because I wear speedos. I've worn speedos in beaches in the US and in other countries being sensitive to the customs of the countries other than the U.S. I wear them because that's my swimsuit of choice.

My point in writing all of this is that you need to do what is acceptable to you (within the framework of decency), not what you think is acceptable to others. I agree with STS that the perceived speedo stigma may be made to be more than it actually is. While we could attach all sorts of psychological meanings to the phenomenon, it may very well be like what Freud said, "a cigar is sometimes just a cigar."

Valorian 2, you may take some heat from your family, but if you have evolved into a more self confident person in certain ways, one of which is as one who feels comfortable wearing a speedo, then let your family know that's who you are at this point in your life. And don't apologize or feel the need to justify your decision to be who you are. It may be tough at first, but they'll eventually adjust and, realistically, they will have to if they want you to continue coming to family events. Be who you are. Good luck.

D67

[Bede735]

Originally Posted by Dooley67

My point in writing all of this is that you need to do what is acceptable to you (within the framework of decency), not what you think is acceptable to others.
D67

It must be so. If you buy any new clothes you're the one who tries it on, looks in the mirror at yourself, and makes the judgment that it's fine. You're not going to walk around the store asking for other people's opinion. It's exactly the same for swimwear. If you're okay with it, then other people's opinions are irrelevant. Well apart from ones, say, who are in charge of the public pool, who decide if you're wearing acceptable swimwear. Fortunately there is a wide tolerance in what that is.

[tightjeans]

Ok all good replies. Please don't overlook the negative perception of the public in this country of the conduct at the various gay rights parades and functions. I know a number of gays over the years who are repelled by it as well.

[PSDave]

I don't know where you are but having grown up in the Los Angeles area I can offer reasons for there.
When i was in school your weren't cool unless you were a surfer. You had to own a surfboard, have sun bleached hair and wear color blocked surfer trunks. They had the pockets to store your wax for the surfboard, car keys since surfing left you sitting on the board out in the water -- not by a towel on the beach --and some change to get a soda or call for a ride. The designs have varied through the years but the basic surfer trunk with the lace at the waist has pretty much held true. Some longer and baggier suits have come long but disappear to the standard of the surfer trunk. Boxer Shorts underwear was really popular in college. I remember "boxer rebellions" where all the guys would show up to parties wearing only their boxer shorts.
I think getting guys to give up hanging loose for tight undies or swimwear isn't and easy task.
However -- there were beaches that weren't surfer hangouts and other styles like speedos were still part of the mix. Venice Beach (also known as Muscle Beach) was always popular by body builders wearing the next to nothing posing suits and Santa Monica was pretty much a free for all of styles.
Between the surfer look and the Beach Boys songs, and the California look seemed to set the trend that for some reason has never changed.
I do remember the Duran Duran videos that featured the guys in black speedo briefs, they started to appear at pool parties more, but it wasn't enough to overcome the long tradition of those surfer trunks. Damn. No matter what we think or would like, the truth of the matter is that unless the teens decide that speedos are cool, there is little chance to see their popularity surge again soon.