[sebbie]

Part LXLV

Guys frequently develop an interest in “male self abuse” very early in life, long before they learn anything about human sexuality and partner sex. The “where did I come from and how did I get here?” question seems to arrive almost as soon as a guy learns how to speak coherently. For parents, this means explaining some of the details euphemistically described as a discussion of “where babies come from” in varying levels of detail. This is somehow thought to be a sufficient explanation of “what goes on” until a guy gets older. I suspect that most parents would be happier if they did not have to tell their kids anything about “sex” until they get older, say in preparation for going on a first date (and heaven forbid if a guy shows a serious “interest” in another male rather than a female at that point in time).

Today, I want to go down another path entirely. I see growing up as a continuing period of “discovery” for guys about their own bodies, in particular in relation to uncovering the broad array of pleasant feelings and sensations that seem to be centered on body parts in the groin area, but extend to some places that are not considered to be overtly part of a guy’s sexual organs. This discovery process starts long before puberty. A guy may have just accidentally found something that felt good when rubbed or touched by accident, and now wants to enjoy that sensation once again.

I was like that, big time. I remember at a very early age that I saw a picture in a magazine showing a guy wearing, I forget, either a rubberized wet suit or something akin to a skin tight pair of Lycra® tights and top. I didn’t fully understand why I thought the photo was so interesting but couldn’t have been more than 3 or 4 years old at most—but deep down I knew that where that guy was I wanted to be. I didn’t quite articulate what I felt and I kept repeating to my parents “It’s tight in here! It’s tight in here!” My parents were seemingly clueless as to why I was saying this repeatedly and annoyingly, and I quickly learned that if I ever felt that way again I should probably keep it to myself.

Still, I had learned something important about my own body—and particularly about what it felt like down there. My body had this wild and crazy ability to pull “stunts” on me and create situations that somehow felt good, actually very, very good. I didn’t really understand how or why this happens and I still don’t understand, for that matter. I knew my penis loved being the center of attention for me. That has not changed at all in all these years. And I gradually learned new ways to play with myself in this regard, even quite before the point in time when I had my first ejaculation.

For a lot of guys, anyway, the first ejaculation is a night time event, and guys generally think its something that just happens unwittingly and outside the control of the brain. This may happen any number of times before a guy decides that this is so enjoyable that it might be worthwhile to actually be awake and “help the process along” a bit. Helping this along is now deemed as a good thing not a bad thing, and under the cover of darkness a guy can start exploring some of the sensations in more detail, then claim that any tell-tale remnants left in the morning was just part of a wet dream that just happened while I was sleeping.

I think a lot of guys struggle with this…claiming that a nocturnal emission just happened while I slept is vastly different from saying that I actually masturbated to ejaculation during the night. Yet nearly every guy (99 %) will claim that he didn’t encourage anything but was just sleeping when it all just somehow happened. All of this “faking” of “involuntary” nocturnal emissions goes on for some time post-puberty. Some guys probably keep using this as an excuse when they end up in a double college dorm. No guy ever wants to admit that he actually played a key role in making something as “repulsive” as this (ejaculating in the absence of a mate) suddenly happen.

But what I really wanted for jerking off was a swim brief like a few of my cousins wore. Mom thought that was an “impractical” choice (and besides, how would I deal if I were wearing the brief and ended up in the same condition I had just been in. (Never mind, mom, because I will not use the brief to go into the water but only for jerking off in private in my bedroom! Yah sure!) I spent most of my teen years longing for the suit I never got. Happily, as a young adult I got that suit. Actually a number of them. And they were at least as much fun as I had hoped. I really enjoyed wearing them. After all these years I still do.

Last night it was a black Adidas with the three white stripes on each side. What great bed time wear! My body was exactly where it wanted to be. It’s great. Of course, over the years I have come up with a few more techniques and tools. I always try to enjoy myself whenever possible. Living alone, I have lots of free time.

Enjoy your bodies and your suits!


To be continued...