[sebbie]

Part LXLVII

Every male deals with who he is as a sexual human being in his own way. I realize that the majority of guys appear, at least, to be fixated on the idea that male sexuality is really all about having sex with a partner involving “the interchange of bodily fluids” as the sex act is often portrayed in a somber medical textbooks. The idea of being sexually aroused by a partner, normally a female partner, is so intertwined with a guy’s concept of sexual arousal that it is difficult if not impossible to separate the two. In other words, sexuality is intertwined with the whole idea of sex in some sort of physical relationship in which body parts of two different people somehow meet as one.

In the case of gay males, that is, guys who claim to be aroused by anther male not a female, the entire role of the relationship and body parts meeting actually works somewhat differently. Most heterosexuals tend to think in terms of gay “oral and anal intercourse”, the closest equivalent they can think of to penis-vagina sex. Yet, gay relationship is only partially about that, if at all. To me the most striking purported aspect of somehow being gay is the idea that a guy can get aroused merely by observing another guy getting aroused. The idea that two men are only able to get aroused if one of them has a key body part inside another guy’s orifice (oral or anal) is largely what heterosexuals think a gay relationship is all about, but is only loosely based on reality and maybe for some gay men not at all. Even more curious, a lot of men who claim to be straight would get aroused by just observing other guys in an aroused state.

Contrary to what some women seen to believe, guys have all sorts of ways of getting off and a lot of these ways involve no actual sexual partner at all of either sex. By far, self-pleasuring is by far the most important method, and always in some manner readily available regardless of how things are working in the relationship department.

But the exact techniques and methods a guy employs in self-pleasuring are a very carefully guarded secret. A guy in a heterosexual relationship would not under any reasonable circumstances want to reveal too much to the female partner in this respect lest the female partner start to believe that she is not the most important part of his sexual life and that the guy could continue to function without her. This is part of why a lot of females have difficulty with guys as they are as opposed to how she would like them to be. Maybe the guy somehow enjoys himself as much or more alone than being with her, and the implications of that thought do not bode well for the relationship.

Of course, guys pursue solo sex in private starting at age 11 or earlier and proceeding throughout adulthood. It is natural for all guys to be curious about exactly how the other guys their own age pursue this, but few dare ask. A minority of guys engage in activities with another male or males that could be labeled as mutual masturbation” but this is quite “daring.” Being in the presence of another guy also jerking off is viewed as a “gay” activity, as in the first step leading to a path that ends with oral or anal “same sex” behavior. So the vast majority of guys, not wishing to be labeled by their peers as gay, will avoid any situation whereby obvious mutual masturbation could occur with one or more other guys.

Guys generally are hugely curious about the details of how other guys get off by themselves, but they are equally fearful that this curiosity must mean that they have a “gay” component to their person. This curiosity does not diminish if the guy thinks of himself as straight. Purportedly straight guys masturbate a lot too and solo sex is not a gay thing as such. These complex conflicts are very much a part of the daily life of being a male.

I want to pose a little “thought experiment” with my readers. Suppose you are going to live to a remote and deserted island, far from civilization, and that for the rest of your life you would never again have sex that involved the interchange of bodily fluids with another person. In short, the only sexual gratification you would ever be able to have is sex with yourself.

You are allowed to take one small duffel bag or suitcase containing any items that you think you would like to have in the deserted island. These are the items that you think are important enough to bring with you as you face the future.

One option would be to carry an empty duffel bag. There is nothing I will need to pleasure myself. Well, maybe not exactly nothing. Perhaps a very large tube of a water-based lubricant? Instructions on how to find a natural lubricant (such as the juices from an aloe vera plant) on the island?

Would you take a collection of clothing that you enjoy wearing while masturbating? Several swim briefs in a variety of colors and sizes? A jock strap (or two, or three?) Thong underwear? Compression gear? Running tights? Compression tee? A wrestling singlet or two? Some really snug-fitting shorts or jeans? Exactly what would you include in the suitcase?

What exactly is in the duffel bag or suitcase you carry would tell me a lot about exactly how you like to jerk off during solo sexual activity. This is part of the deepest, darkest secrets of male sexuality that guys are so hugely reluctant to admit to either their peers, or later to female partners. Most if not all of these items that would be included are probably already in a dresser drawer and you have probably been using them from long before you set off on your remote island journey suddenly free of partner sex in all its forms.

Think about how YOU handle this in your own life. This is important.

To be continued…