[sebbie]

Part XXXXV

I have been doing some Internet research on the broad subject of male masturbation. Being a lifelong participant in the activity myself, and finding the various ways of getting off by yourself to be tremendously enjoyable over the years, I have always been curious about how other guys see the activity and exactly how it fits into the larger scheme of things with respect to all aspects of male sexuality including partner sex.

First, I am quite aware of the fact that for many, perhaps most, guys once they achieve adulthood, the ideas of having an wonderful orgasm and being with a sexual partner are so intertwined that it is difficult if not impossible to even think of separating the two. I understand all of that, and I respect the guys who see their sexual lives as being totally intertwined with being with a partner for sex.

At the same time, I am also aware of the fact that the entire subject of sexual orientation can be and often is very fluid. I am not the one of being able to conveniently place every guy into either a straight or gay box. On occasion, at a doctor’s office, I am asked on a questionnaire whether I am “straight” or “gay”. I always respond “straight” even though in reality the correct answer is “I have no clue on that one”. Psychologists readily admit that guy’s (people’s) sexual orientation does not fit into two neat categories but exists along a continuum. Another way of posing the question I suppose is “what was the sex of the partner you most recently had sex with?” Never mind that I can’t honestly answer that question either. I’m still stuck.

This all brings me back to the topic that I really wanted to discuss, and this is the role that male masturbation plays in the lives of guys. There are a few Web sites that are now treating masturbation not as some form of sexual activity for immature, socially-challenged guys who have grave difficulty relating to other people male or female, but rather as an important part of who we are as sexual human beings. Masturbation not only fun but plays a critical role in our well-being on a host of different levels.

One estimate that I saw was that for guys, looking at averages that occur over a lifetime, the average male has engaged in 50 acts of solo sex (aka male masturbation leading to orgasm) for every single act of partner sex. That is both profound and interesting. As young people, nearly every guy thinks he masturbates “too much” as in maybe as often as two or three times a day and the major problem most post-pubescent guys face is finding enough privacy so that they can masturbate to orgasm without being “discovered”.

As guys form relationships with sexual partners, they then start “pining” for being with a partner of choice for sex when they are not with the partner, and, of course, this leads to more fantasy about having sex and, invariably, more masturbation. Indeed, the frequency of masturbation may ramp up under this situation not down. Granted, the guy is now occasionally having “real” sex with a real sexual partner, but fantasyland remains an important component of what the guy is doing to and with himself.

In short, once a guy finds a partner for sex, he doesn’t normally just quite masturbating. Indeed, the masturbation part may ramp up not down, as the guy gets increasingly focused (if that is even possible) on the sweet sensations that are coming from his groin area.

Then marriage, of course, where the guy is now permanently attached to a specific sexual partner. Then solo sex must stop cold, right? Wrong too! I have often thought that if partner sex is such a wonderful thing, why do so many marriages end in divorce, and often quickly? I am convinced that a lot of guys in a “permanent” relationship of this sort spend a lot of time now pining for the fun they had when they could masturbate without having to deal with the complexities of partner sex mixed in with a complicated relationship.

It goes without saying that a lot of guys struggle with all of this relationship and sex stuff. That some guys manage to somehow successfully navigate all of this I suppose should be seen as something of an accomplishment of sorts. But, I’m still betting that a lot of these guys that are tied to a partner relationship are still masturbating whenever they are apart from their sexual partners and even maybe in secret even when they are near their partners. How this all works in a relationship that lasts a half century or more is an interesting question to try and study.

But somehow, the estimate that the average male over a lifetime has solo sex 50 times for every act of partner sex no longer seems that far off or unreasonable, but particularly if one starts to contemplate that guys still masturbate, often regularly, even when they are in a sexual relationship. And remember too, a major sexual fantasy for a lot of guys seems to be to be able to be able to masturbate while a sexual partner watches what is happening.

To be continued…